Preface
As soon as I became 39 weeks pregnant, I started feeling anxious because I wanted the baby to come out before I hit 40 weeks. (I thought it would be better for the baby to be smaller rather than bigger when it came time to push.)
Water Break
The night before Sat Dec 3, I felt crampy in bed but thought it was due to all the anxiety I was feeling. That morning at around 5 am, I went to pee and afterwards noticed that the pee in the toilet bowl was pink. I told KTC that my bloody show had arrived and called the birth centre at RGH. They advised me to self-monitor for contractions or water breaking and to call them back when that happens. I went back to bed. An hour later, I decided to wake up and went to brush my teeth. I felt a trickle of liquid drip down my leg and after a moment of shock, I quickly rushed into the bathtub. Seconds later, what felt like a bucketful of water gushed down from my crotch. I yelled to KTC that my water broke. When the water somewhat stopped leaking out, I got out of the bathtub and called the birth centre again. They told me to get to the hospital and bring a swab of my water with a pad. We hurriedly grabbed our things and headed for the hospital.
Hospital
When we arrived, we checked in and moments later, a doctor came to see me. She told me to go home and come back when I started feeling contractions, or in 12 hours time, whichever came first. I went home and got ready for the day. Had breakfast, watched some tv, had dinner, watched some more tv. I still hadn’t felt any contractions whatsoever. At 6 pm, we went back to the hospital.
Private Room
We waited a while in the admitting room, then the nurse led us to our private room. It was much larger than I expected, with its own washroom. I got hooked up to an IV (where the induction meds would be given to me), the blood pressure finger clip, and a stomach belt to monitor the baby’s heartbeat. Another nurse came in to draw my blood for a blood test. At this point I felt like a rag doll used for experiments, with all these tubes coming out of me. Once they started inducing me at midnight (Sun Dec 4), I eventually felt contractions that got more and more painful. When I couldn’t stand it anymore, I asked for an epidural and the nurse reassured me that the anesthesiologist was on his way. I counted no more than 10 painful contractions before he arrived. I was extremely nervous because I expected the epidural to be the most painful part of the whole birthing process. (It wasn’t. It wasn’t even one bit painful, only a bit uncomfortable at most.) The nurse on shift offered me her arm to lean my forehead on and I held onto KTC for support. When the needle went in, I felt a cold sensation, as if I was being injected with liquid metal. It only lasted around 10 seconds or so. The first nurse came back on shift and asked if I could feel the contractions. I said yes. She then said let’s increase the dosage so you don’t feel any pain. After that, I didn’t feel the contractions anymore, which was a relief. Later on, she inserted a pee catheter in me and THAT was the most painful/uncomfortable part of the whole process in my opinion. Unfortunately, when you get an epidural, you HAVE to get a catheter put in because you’re not supposed to walk around after. Horrible stuff.
Change of Plans
By this time, it was around 6 am. The nurse called everyone in because she noticed the baby’s heart rate dropping every time I got a contraction, which meant the baby wasn’t getting enough oxygen due to the umbilical cord wrapping around some part of her body. The doctor came in, checked my cervix, and said I was only 4 cm dilated. Since it had already been 24 hours since my water broke, we had to go to plan B, which was to perform a c section because we needed to get the baby out by the 24 hour mark. The doctor said don’t worry, a c section poses no risks to the baby, only the mom. (That was the moment I realized my life is not important anymore, everything I do now is for the baby.) KTC was sleeping beside me and I wanted to yell at him to wake up so I could tell him what was going on. Eventually he woke up on his own and I was so relieved. We signed some papers and they got me ready to be wheeled down to the operating wing.
C Section
Once we got to the brightly lit operating wing, the nurse there debriefed us and introduced us to another anesthesiologist, the one who would be administering my spinal tap. This would go in the same tube as the epidural, he said. At this moment, I was feeling groggy from not having slept much the entire night and in slight shock that I would have to go through this intense surgery without much choice and mental preparation. After the spinal tap was done, the anesthesiologist did the ice chip test on me to see if I could feel any coldness on various parts of my body. I remember feeling extremely nervous about this and couldn’t stop shaking - what if the stupid ice chips weren’t accurate and I could feel the knife cutting me open..?! I got wheeled into the operating room and there were at least 10 people in there. They hoisted me onto the table from my bed and set up the curtain so I couldn’t see what they were about to do to the lower half of my body. Again, the ice chip test was done. I just had to blindly trust that everyone knew what they were doing and that I wouldn’t be in complete utter agony. Minutes went by and I think they asked me if I could feel anything. I felt some pressure but no pain. KTC was beside me and did his best to distract me from what was going on. I told him to keep asking me questions and we talked about where we wanted to travel to next. This entire time I was COMPLETELY freaked out. I knew they had sliced me wide open and I could feel them tugging and pushing - it was the most horrifying thing. I couldn’t help feeling like I was in a horror movie. (Remember in Silence of the Lambs, Hannibal Lector drugged a victim, sliced open his brain while he was awake, and ate it in front of the him while having a conversation with him? That’s how I felt.) Shortly after, I heard a shrieking cry - baby Evelyn was here!!! I didn’t expect the baby to cry as soon as she came out. I thought the doctor would have to slap her butt a few times before that happened. KTC said “she’s beautiful!” and I wanted him to check if she had 10 fingers and 10 toes but decided to wait. The nurse asked me if I wanted to do skin to skin and I said yes. She put Evey under my chin while I was lying there and they were sewing me back up. It was a very awkward uncomfortable position. I also couldn’t see the baby directly, only from my peripheral. After what felt like forever, they took the baby away and wheeled me to a ward to rest and sleep off the spinal tap and regain movement. Every so often, the two attendants at the ward would come by and check on me. I felt somewhat lonely lying there by myself and drifted in and out of sleep, wondering where KTC and Evey were and what they were up to.
Love at First Sight
After several more ice chip tests, I was finally able to reunite with the newest addition to my family! I was so excited to properly meet her for the first time. ☺️ When I first held her and looked down at her face, I felt relief and my heart melted into a puddle of love. I couldn’t believe she was mine and we created her. 🥰
Recovery
For the next two days, KTC and I took shifts sleeping and taking care of Evey. My mom and dad would come by with food and soup but I couldn’t keep anything down the day of the surgery. For some reason every time the nurse came by with my pain meds, I would puke. I basically didn’t eat anything that day (Sun Dec 4). Eventually I got on track with my pain meds and they took my catheter out (the first time peeing hurt like a bitch and I learned to release my pee frequently because it would hurt to pee if I held in a lot at a time). I walked as much as I could but the incision did hurt. Like a paper cut x infinity. Overall I was proud of myself for recovering as fast as I did. I didn’t feel like my birthing experience would stop me from having another kid.
The Fourth Trimester
This period in time, however, is making me reconsider wanting a second child. Now, Evey is not a difficult child to take care of. She falls asleep easily (for the most part) and when she does, it’s for long stretches at a time. The challenge is having to take care of a baby while trying to recover from a major surgery. It is now almost 3 months after Evey’s birth and I still feel fleeting sharp pain internally where my uterus is. I can’t sit up in bed without my abdominal muscles hurting. Every morning my muscles ache like a mother. Not to mention my cystuation reared it’s ugly head again (at least this time it hasn’t developed into an abscess - yet). All this to say, it’s a lot of time and sacrifice to bear a child, in terms of physical health. Without health, we really have nothing. And I already had an easy pregnancy. It’s definitely something I’ll really need to think about.
Update: I’m now 5.5 months postpartum and the insane hair loss is easing up slightly. I don’t feel any pain in my abdominal muscles or anywhere in my body. I even played tennis with KTC about a month ago. Life is pretty much back to normal. I will re-evaluate having a second child once we get settled at our new place in a couple years.
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