Ok, honesty hour. Growing up, I was one of those people that always hoped I would eventually get married, but I could never visualize how I would get from point A (dating) to point B (happily married). Overall, I'd say I had a pretty good imagination, but not when it came to my actual wedding or what married life would look like. It was all just a big baffling mystery to me. I loved attending other people's weddings because when I looked at other couples, they made sense. It all didn't really click until I starting dating the person that I eventually learned was meant for me.
Now I'm not here to talk about how wonderful our relationship is, and how right it feels, etc. It is absolutely both those things but it of course is by no means, perfect. We have moments where we disagree on trivial things, and we don't always (want to) compromise, but the important thing is that we let our opinions be heard. In that way, we allow each other to be true to ourselves. Just the other day, we had a yelling match over garbage, LOL. Literal garbage.
Anyway, the point is, my dating life was rough. I was miserable more than half the time and I constantly thought there was something wrong with me, or wrong with my relationships. What I didn't realize is that, I just hadn't met the person that was right for me yet. I don't believe there is only ONE person in the whole world that's right for you. That's a little unreasonable, seeing as there are 7.5 billion people in the world and you've only met around a thousand of them by the time you turn 20. But when you meet someone that is right for you, you will want to believe that they are the only one for you. And you will choose them over anyone else, everytime, and vice versa.
I think finding the right person takes time and wisdom. It's true that you can only find that person once you've found yourself. What are some things you can't tolerate in a partner? What are things you can't live without? What makes it worthwhile? In one of my favorite chick flicks ("Runaway Bride"), one of the characters says, "Attraction is mistaken for rightness." It's an unfortunate fact of life, one that often takes time for people to realize. Maybe at the end of figuring yourself out, you come to the realization that you're happier being free and on your own, and that is so fine these days. People often forget that there are things you have to sacrifice when entering into a relationship. I don't care how great a relationship is, there will be sacrifices. That's part of caring for someone other than yourself. But the right person will make the sacrifices worthwhile.
Perhaps the motherlode of all questions, is this: How do I know if he/she is the one? I can't stress this enough but - YOU JUST KNOW. You just feel it in your gut. It's not an overwhelming feeling of happiness or giddiness or love or infatuation. It will just be a subtle wisp of a thought, but you will think to yourself, "Oh...he/she's the one." And as quickly as the thought came, that thought will drift away, until the next time something happens, almost as proof or verification of your thought. And that verification will happen again and again, even when you're not looking for it. That's how I would best describe my experience with simply knowing. It's the most calming of realizations. Your mind and body will be at peace.
As my wedding day approaches, I am excited and proud to finally take on the role of being Kin-Tin's wife. I've been thinking a lot lately about what being married means to me and it's simply just being there for each other, helping each other grow, appreciating each other's achievements, motivating each other through the setbacks, remembering to celebrate special moments and cherishing the little moments...for a lifetime. It's not just another weekend for me. This is like, a BIG moment for me so I wanted to really reflect upon it. Some people have asked if I am nervous, and I can see how most people would be, if they were having a huge wedding ceremony and reception. Since ours will be in my parents' backyard with just family, I don't feel nervous, and I'm glad our ceremony will be intimate. The plan is to have the reception dinner with family and friends next year, but we'll see how Covid plays out. I don't feel right celebrating anything with a virus lingering around. Even if I'm ok with it, I know other people might not be.
Maybe I'll do a post-wedding blog post on the actual wedding day, just for memory's sake. Til next post!
